Not Schizophrenia
by invigorate
Summary: -"I am not crazy. I am perfect. I need to be perfect for him." How can you know when you entirely loose it? When you've lost it: how can you know if it's real or not? "No one is perfect, then again, my Paragon is." NaruSasu. AU.
1. Prologue

**Words: **2, 505 words.

**Not Schizophrenia.**

**Chapter: Prologue.**

**01/10**

**By: Sofie MB.**

_No matter how much I tried to escape my fate, it had come; finally, after so many years, it had come. There was no way out of it, no way to evade it, it was here; not meant to leave._

_My arms were long, pale, but tainted. Crimson blood red tickled its way down to my elbow. _

_Damn it! I can feel my heart beating faster and faster; the only thing I do is laugh, laugh in a way that would scare anyone else, in a way that would terrify anyone, even I. The way I look, when staring at my reflection on the mirror, seems to be mocking me, observing me and laughing at me; reminding me the fact that I am not perfect like I should be._

_I was rolling on the white bathroom floor, blood spilling everywhere, my head becoming a mess that resembled that of the one I wear in the mornings. My legs were spread along the floor, my hands now tightly pressing themselves on top of my head, my fingers entangled in between my raven locks. My breathing kept going up, increasing with each passing moment, making me need to gasp loudly for air._

_Screams caught my ears, wrapping themselves around me, trying to bring me back; but I just kept laughing until the very last. I screamed; they were around me! I could feel them, though I could not see them. They were mocking me, telling me how lame I was for not being able to do anything right. It was the way I responded what made me aware of my surroundings, aware of the fact I was there in the first place._

_The dark shadows were long gone, unmistakably hidden in some corner. I could feel the way they breathed; the way they thought about me. They loved making fun of me; they loved lying to me, deceiving me, torturing me. _

_If only there was a way out; a way out of this jail. Suddenly, there it was; I had finally found it. It was an escape from my worries; my worries of doom. No longer was I in that white room only I could see and hear; I was out, along with that sweet friend of mine. _

_The way I walked around like I was such a prince, the way I walked around making me seem like I was so perfect. I was; I was a prince of perfection in their eyes; they were nothing in mine. So people thought; Oh! Did I hate them! _

_They way they looked at me as if they wanted to be like me, when deep inside they could only think about how much they loathed me and my perfection. If only they knew the way I was going._

_No good; no good. I knew it all through its inside out. I knew they way they conspired against me, trying to get to know me better. They wanted to crush me, but I knew better. I could not let them hurt me; I didn't let them near me. I knew their plans, for I had once being there, longing to reach the perfection I now owned._

_I walked down the halls of that God forsaken school that brought me nothing good. The way I walked would tell anyone I was so deep in thought, my coolness going afloat. If only they knew, what in my head resides. _

_It was then that I caught pair of innocent blue eyes, they were looking up at me in such a sweet way; it made me sick. What in the world could he want? I did not know him; he did not know me. Did he?_

_Lately I had found myself forgetting things, things people don't usually forget. _

_It didn't matter that much anymore, it was the way he walked up to me and said 'Hi' what made my heart snap; breaking any bond I had with the whole idea of despise. I had no intention in making a bond with said blonde. I thought I was happy enough._

_He did not care the insults the people that accompanied me threw at him; he seemed happy even. He sat down besides me, ignoring the complete and utter looks of horror the others gave him and the confused frowns that seemed to assault their faces with no mercy. Why did they do that? Did they think I was going to suddenly snap or something?_

_Oh, that's right. I probably should snap at him; I didn't. He began talking, just blabbing words I could not completely understand. Something warm took my hand under the table, making my heart stop. What was this feeling? Why wasn't I responding in a rude way? This was a human! I couldn't trust someone like him, with so many flaws and bad thoughts._

_Still, the way he used his fingers to entangle them in between mine made my heart stop. He kept asking stuff; I could not understand a single word he said. Who was he again?_

"_Are you there?"_

_No I was not –at least not entirely-. My body might have been there, but my mind was somewhere else, lost deeply in those blue orbs. I couldn't breathe, and people seemed to realize that much. It was hard enough to focus on breathing to have them be calling my name and screaming obscenities at the blonde as my world faded to black._

_But it was all a lie. It was not true._

_All that had been nothing but a hallucination. It wasn__'t right. How could I imagine such perfection? Surely there had to be someone like him in this world right? _

***-*-*-*-*-*-*-**

I woke up, startled by my surroundings, and no longer was I with my friends, perfection grabbing my hand. I was now sitting on my bed, my head killing me. I grasped it in pain, trying to make it all go away, but to no avail.

I found the need to close my eyes as sunshine came through my window, blinding me, not allowing me to see anything, making the headache even stronger. Has it all been a dream? No, it was a hallucination, once again.

I remember I was reading a book, by the fire. No, wait; there was no fire.

"I'm loosing it."

Lately I've found myself forgetting a lot of things, including why I am doing things at the moment I am doing them, where I live, where I am. I tried to pay no attention to it, it was probably the stress, but to rummage through my whole brain and thoughts –including memories- to remember things such as that becomes frustrating and scary.

I keep seeing things that are not really there. Sometimes I'm completely normal, but for a few seconds a whole scene seems to appear before me, almost as if I am living it, only to faint or fall asleep in that vision and wake up to the real world; no one notices those changes, not even I do. What was wrong with me anyways?

So I was reading a book, outside, enjoying the cool breeze in this hot summer, when suddenly my world turned black and next thing I knew that whole thing with that blonde guy was happening. "This isn't right" I hit the shower's wall with my fist as hard as I could. What's happening to me? So many thoughts seem to fill my head in such a fast way; so fast I can't even understand them myself.

I grabbed my favorite pair of dark jeans and gray converse and made my way to look for a shirt. I opened the drawer where I had my shirts and began to rummage through it as I thought about the whole situation.

'_What's happening to me? Suddenly I start having those weird scenes that seem like dreams and then I wake up in my room; always. What's going on I mean surely it is… No it. Wait… What?_' My eyes were unfocused, what was I thinking about again? I shook my head with frustration, glaring at the empty space on that certain spot on the wall.

I went back to looking for a shirt. My hands froze. I couldn't move. My breathing was increasing and my lips were trembling as soft gasps made their way out from my throat. I looked away from what was happening before me, biting my lower lip as hard as I could without drawing blood out of it. I was not rummaging a pile of shirts; it was a drawer full of underwear. My shirts were in my closet, hanging, not in a drawer; they had always been there.

"Shit." It was frustrating.

I held my head in my hands, grasping it as hard as I could, and my knees pulled up to my chest, my back against the closet. Tears managed to make their way down my cheeks. I was loosing it; I was seriously loosing it.

"Sasuke."

Shit. I stood up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom. I heard my brother enter the other room. I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't breathe. There were dark figures surrounding me; they were scaring me. They were mocking me, they loathed me. I could feel it; I knew it all.

"You in there?" His voice was so flawless, deep, masculine, and perfect. There was no one who didn't want to be like him at least once in their life, they would all see perfection the moment the stepped on the same room as my brother.

"Y-Yeah." Shit. I need to sound stable, I can't let him be suspicious about anything or he won't leave me alone until I tell him what is going on with me. Damn it, I don't know what is going on with me!

"Come on, hurry up or you'll be late for school."

*-*-*-*-

I could not believe my eyes. There he was, perfection was standing in front of me. He was not looking at me, he wasn't even aware of the fact I existed most likely. He was being pushed around by a bigger guy. As much as I wanted to not move at all and go hide somewhere else. I felt an urge to go and hit him. '_I wonder what would happen if I broke a bone._'

It sounded so _tempting_; it was not a hallucination this time. The way he moved was intoxicating, it made me want to break his bones; just crush them; and so I did. I walked up to the big guy took his arm and just took it in my hands as I broke it with my knee. The way he screamed, it was so… It pierced me. It made me want more.

Nothing that happened around me seemed to make any sense at all. Everyone was either screaming or gasping or just dead quiet. The blonde whom I dare call my Paragon was looking at me with a shocked face. He wasn't expecting it, that much I knew. I could tell that he was most likely expecting me to just say something witty about it and walk away, or maybe to just push him off, or hit him, or maybe just… What?

The people were looking at me, I could feel their eyes on me, wanting me to show some of my flaws; torturing me, hurting me, and just plainly abusing me. I fell on the floor. Anyone who saw me would see perfection dumped on the floor, a lost look on his face, nothing –not even a small feeling of regret or guilt- clouding his face.

It felt so good; I hate it.

There was a pair of arms carrying me around. They pulled me away from the crowd of people, away from those critical bastards. I hated them! They were always trying to make me see things that were not there; always judging me.

"Sit here."

"No! You don't tell me what to do!" The way I squirmed and shook around the seat, trying to get away from the blonde's arms and my friends', it petrified me inside, but it made me want to get away from them even more. I did not want them to touch me, to have them even graze me. I wanted them to get away from me and leave me alone to be myself. I hated them.

"What's his name?" I heard someone ask. It was such an unknown voice. It was most likely the one of the blonde. Oh my dear Paragon.

"Hey Sasuke it's ok. Calm down. I want you to breathe in and out. Just remember that no one here is trying to control you, ok? We are trying to help you because we love you, ok?" What was he talking about? Who the hell was he? Why was my Paragon trying to do this to me?

But his touch felt so good. The way his tanned hands grazed my pale cheeks and caressed them; it was such a loving gesture. It made me feel complete. I was happy. I nodded, indicating that I knew he loved me. "Ok, I'm going to take you somewhere great ok? Tell you what; we go to my place and play some games, ok?"

If only he knew what games I wanted him to play with me. I wanted to play such dirty things he would never be able to forget me. Oh yeah, I was crazy; crazy for him, for no one else. I loved him, I knew it, and he loved me, even if we did not know each other. That did not matter. We loved each other, it was destiny. God had given me the ability to have this visions in which I was able to meet the love of my life.

"Hey, Sasuke right? My name's Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto." I looked at him and smiled, it was actually a grin. It was love.

The grin was soon gone.

I looked around confused. Where was I? What was going on? How did I get there? What was I doing there?

"You're back I see." Neji said from behind me. I frowned, expecting an explanation. He sighed and looked at the others in the car, trying to find some support. I knew I could count on whatever he told me, after all, he was the one studying clinical psychology. Wait, I was studying that too. Right?

"I will be blunt; knowing you it will most likely be the best thing."

My heart was beating fast, my eyes closing slowly. I could not believe my ears. I was falling from my tower of perfection; my flawlessness was killed as his voice pierced my ears, and informing me I was not perfect any longer. What had happened to me? I was not crazy, I was perfect. I was born of perfect parents; I was raised with my perfect brother. I was **perfect**!

That is until I became, according to Neji, schizophrenic and bipolar.

* * *

First part of ten (: You will understand things later on.

Thanks for reading.


	2. Homophobia

**Words:**3, 101 words.

**Not Schizophrenia.**

**Chapter:**** Homophobia.**

**0****2****/10**

**By: Sofie MB.**

I was loosing it wasn't I?

I tried to understand it all; only to realize I had lost it a while back. The words that were thrown at me only barely explained who the blonde guy was, what was wrong with me, and what had happened the last month. People kept saying that I had lost it; they kept explaining I just suddenly began acting differently in a way that was not sane anymore.

The blonde –Naruto- explained he had been following me around for a while now –it made me shudder and almost choke- because my so called friends thought I was struggling with some kind of mental problem that needed to be observed so I would not cause something terrible. He had graduated in clinical psychology, the exact same career both Neji and I were studying.

By the looks of it I suddenly would start acting distant; by the looks of it those were the times I would see all those scenes in my head. Those would be the moments when I would thing such crazy and not normal things; the moments when I would feel anxious and would hate the world.

My Paragon had met me before, when I was in that state. I knew him; I now knew I had known him for a while. It seemed like destiny had somehow brought us together at some point.

So I was taken to a mental hospital. I hate it. There are people always telling you what to do, trying to "make you improve". This was wrong. I was perfect; I had to be perfect, like my brother, my father, my mother, and the beautiful blonde who was trying to save me.

I have been here for over a week. Why hasn't he visited yet?

I need to see him; I need to touch him.

It wasn't until a few days later that he finally came to see me. So not taking the meds they gave me worked, huh? The way he swiftly made his way towards me, that kind smile placed upon his lips made my heart flutter. It was so fulfilling, so completing. It was probably the first time in my whole not crazy life when I had been so happy.

In that white room I slept I would loose hope with each passing minute. No one visited me but my brother and rarely my friends. It ached. I hoped badly for anyone to come in and tell me that I was still perfect, that I still deserved to be an Uchiha; still, none of that came. The only things I received were the ones someone like me gets.

"You will be ok."

"We love you."

"It's ok to be afraid; there's no reason for it though."

This people were the crazy ones, not me. I had nothing wrong. I was perfect. If not, then, why would Naruto have come to visit me? There was no reason for someone as perfect as him to want to even think about me if I was not perfect enough for him. I needed to reach perfection once again, but I was not letting those stupid pills kill me. I wouldn't let them; they were bad, poisonous even.

"Hey there." He smiled, "I'm sorry I didn't come before, but I've been kinda busy." I could only stare at his lips and bit my own. Could he feel how badly I wanted to kiss him? I mean, could he see it at least?

"I- It's ok." My voice was so fragile. I wanted to kill myself on the spot. I mean, how could I be so weak?! I needed to be strong and beautiful for him, if not, he probably wouldn't even get to ever like me. Wait, did he like me? I mean, did he care about the way I felt? Did he feel the same way I felt for him? What did he think about me?! I needed to know, I needed to know if he loved me like I loved him. Then again, we barely knew each other. Oh, nonsense, I believe in love at first sight. This is love.

We spent the whole afternoon just talking about ourselves. He became even more perfect than he already was for me. He became my complete perfection; I knew that without him I would be absolutely nothing. I needed him to be perfect. I knew he needed me too to some extent. It was the way he looked at me. It was the way he seemed to get lost in my eyes. The way he gave me no pity and instead he would only smile at me, almost as if he was proud that I was stepping closer to perfection with each passing minute.

He loves me. I can prove it because of the fact he just grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard; he was comforting me. No friend, not even my brother, did that to me. He loved me like I loved him. I smiled.

"He, what are you smiling about?" He was grinning. I smiled even bigger and bit my lower lip, trying to control the growing feeling at the bottom of my stomach. This is love, I told myself.

"I…" I could barely mutter a word. I was going to tell him how much I loved him; he had to answer in a lovely way. I knew he did. In these last months he has been visiting every single day. He just comes in and talks to me, giving me those sweet looks I so love to receive.

"I love you."

Just the way he came to me, as easily as that, as easy as it was not, his grin faded, the glitter in his eyes that were always surrounding me when he came was gone, leaving me behind. He dropped my hand, a nervous look on his face. He walked out. He left me alone. He just walked away and I threw myself on the floor.

***-*-*-*-**

**Naruto****'s point of view.**

I walked out of the room, barely able to hold myself up, using the walls as support. He had just… confessed his love for me? A schizophrenic that had only heard me talk for months but had shared nothing with me but some rare smiles and kept making me feel warm inside and happy with myself for making him happy had just told me he loved me.

It wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like that.

He was a great young boy who deserved better than what he was receiving. I was already taking care of proving that the environment he had been living in had been the cause for his mental problems –something quiet easy to prove with the family he had-. The only one who seemed to support him in his family was his brother, a freak just like him. Don't take me wrong, I actually came to adore Sasuke, but that didn't keep him from being scary looking.

I first met him half a year ago.

It was a dark summer night when his case was delivered to me. A friend of his who was studying psychology himself thought he needed some help to help his friend, so he called me. I didn't hesitate at all. I was glad to help. With the permission of the principal I infiltrated the school and began to follow him everywhere he went, observing every single thing he did.

We only talked once before he snapped.

It took him three months to snap; three months to actually act violent. I could tell he had been forgetting things because of the way he had been acting recently, still, I didn't think he would just come up to the dude –whom I had provoked myself to see how Sasuke would react- and just plainly break his bone in a half. Boy was this guy strong and athletic.

I was actually hoping badly to end up realizing that he had nothing serious so he wouldn't be sent to that infernal hospital I detest so much. If only he hadn't snapped, he probably wouldn't be there. Then again, I rather help him get fixed than have him hurt someone else.

I couldn't visit him for over three days, as badly as I wanted to do so. I was so busy fixing his case that I barely had any sleep at all. Why was I so fixated with this guy? Maybe it was because he seemed like one of those innocent lost souls I had met before. I wanted to save him; it seemed like the only right thing to do.

We talked – I talked- about so many things. It was a nice way to relax to be honest. It was one of those types of relationships that even if no one talks it feels comforting. To feel like that with a schizo, what have I turned myself into?

What really threw me off was the way he would sometimes look at me. The moments he was in a schizo-state he would look at me with such a dreamy face, as if he was in love with me or something. It felt weird. I didn't like that side of him that much; thank God, he did not realize that.

There were those other times when he would look at me in such a lost way, so innocent looking-like, it made my heart flutter and beat faster. I was not into guys so I knew that it was not something romantic, still, it felt so good. There was a moment I came to think about him as if he were my best friend, even my brother. But he was my patient, I could not do this.

Then again, just now, he just told me that he loved me. I felt sick, almost repulsed. Why did that side of him bother me so much? I knew perfectly well that walking out of the room the way I did with such look on my face was probably one of the worst things to do, if not the worst one.

That side of him made me feel scared, unsafe.

I just walked away from the room and tried to act as normal as I could as I pulled my dark SideKick out of my pocket and rapidly texted Sasuke's friend. I could barely breathe. Truth was, I was scared.

I was not someone to get scared easily, in fact, last time I was afraid was when I had my first case; that was a scary one.

My phone vibrated in my hand, announcing a new message. I stumbled upon my way to open the phone and look for the message.

'_What do you mean by that?_'

I growled, what the hell did he mean by that?

'_I mean. Why didn't you tell me he's into guys?! I told you I needed to know everything about him, including that!_' I was angry. Not only had I been scarred and scared for life but also this guy, who was a bastard to me and at some point obliged me to help his friend, had dared to cut out important information and lie to me!

'_What the fuck are you talking about? He's straight and homophobic! He's too conceited with the whole 'I need to be perfect' thing to let his so called reputation be ruined by the whole homosexual things. Dude, he is not into guys. I don't know about this other him though._'

I stopped. What?

I couldn't help but to frown and feel bad for him. He was paranoid schizophrenic, bipolar, and homophobic? I knew that at some point he had developed another personality which was the one that scared me, but I didn't think he would have a new personality that would loose certain phobias and gain others; he showed no symptoms.

"Shit." I muttered as I walked back to the room where Sasuke was.

***-*-*-***

**S****asuke's point of view.**

"I'm sorry I walked out like that. I just didn't expect that. I'm really sorry. I've been kind of tense lately."

Who does he think he is? He really thinks he's so great isn't he? I don't give a damn if my other side –which I hate and despise and wish would die- loves him; I detest this blonde. He's always treating me like I'm some kind of idiot. I am not schizophrenic!

I glared at him. "Fuck you."

He actually dared to look bothered by it. He began to say things about how sorry he felt for walking away like that; his apologies made me rather sick and made me want to slit my throat on the place. I frowned, completely ignoring what he was saying. Why did I suddenly have this sudden urge to hurt myself? Yeah, I had dreams about it before, and yeah, I had considered it before, but I never did it. Why do I feel like this now?

"Sasuke… I don't want to loose you as my friend. You are a great guy, ok? It's…" He stumbled on his words. He sounded so confident at first, like he knew exactly what he was going to say. I bet he did; he most likely lost his words when he realized I wouldn't react the best way.

"What?"

His blue eyes kept making my heart stop, making me look away to hide the tender blush that filled my cheeks. He really did look sorry; it really seemed like he regretted saying what he was saying in the first place. But I didn't care. I wanted to know what it was he didn't like.

"It's the other you I don't like." I stopped breathing and I was forced to look up at him when he took my face in within his hands, my breathing stopping short behind. I felt a pang of disgust surround me, then again, I could not help but to feel happy with the touch.

"Don't touch me." It was such a soft mutter, not even I could convey its meaning.

I wanted him to leave, and I'm sure he was completely aware of it. Still, he did not leave; he didn't even move. I wanted him out. His presence made me uncomfortable and I wanted him to just leave me alone to be myself; alone with my thoughts.

He didn't move, he just stood there, his hands still around my face, barely grazing me now. If he didn't move I would hit him. Those blue eyes were still staring at me, but they weren't mocking me. I could tell that they were staring at me with some compassion probably even love deep hidden in them.

It made me feel alive. "You said you wanted to talk, yesterday. What do you want to talk about?" I looked up at him, expecting an answer. I knew that would make him move at least a little. He was shocked and didn't move for a few seconds until he realized he was in the world of the living and decided to join in.

"About you."

He was sitting by my side, close to me, so close I could actually feel my hear beating faster. I felt such an urge to just hug him; it was crazy.

"Tell you what. I ask you something and you answer, ok? And then you ask me something and I answer. No lying, no avoiding. I'll be honest with you, completely, if you are with me, ok?" He was grinning, like a little boy with a new toy, completely lost.

I would have had complained, but I was tired and just wanted to get it over with. "Whatever." I personally like this side better, not that freak that dares to call himself Uchiha Sasuke and comes out of my body now and then. He makes me angry and bothers me and… I hate him. It. Whatever it might be.

"So… Tell me, how old are you?"

"Eighteen. I'm turning nineteenth in July." I answered dully, staring at my bare right foot. The floor was cold, but I wasn't exactly allowed to complain. I would still have my shoes if only I hadn't had tried once to kill someone with them. "How about you?"

He brushed s strand of blonde hair away from his face with one of his strong tanned hands. "I'm Twenty-two. I just finished my career; my intelligence let me skip a year." He said with a half grin-half smile.

"I skipped one in High School."

He smiled. "Ok then, my turn. Hum… Say we're both guys so, have you ever been laid? Or at least touched yourself or something?" I could feel this turning into a psychological type of questioning. I frowned and stared at him as I let a small smirk claim my face, "Those are two questions."

He rolled his eyes and let his smirk turn into a scowl. "Let me rephrase that. Have you… No, no wait. Are you a virgin?" He seemed to be having so much fun, an amused look on his face whenever it was my time to answer or ask. I stared at him, expecting him to start laughing like he usually does and just say he's kidding and ask something different.

I received none. He really did want an answer. I rolled my eyes in an annoyed way, let out a frustrated sigh and bit my lower lip after licking it. "I guess I am."

"What do you mean?" He asked with a shocked face. "You mean, **you** mister good looking pants is a virgin? Like, entirely virgin?" I frowned and pushed him lightly, a blush grazing me. "It's my turn, you idiot."

"Are you into guys?"

I looked at him with curiosity. He paled for a few seconds, almost confused as for what I had said, as if he was trying to decipher what I had just said. "I… I guess I don't really mind. I mean. If I liked the guy or something, like as if in love or something, I probably wouldn't give a shit about whether if he has a dick or tits or not." I would have had frowned at his foul and ridiculously unsophisticated language, but I was too captivated with his words.

"What about you?" He interrupted my going thoughts. I looked up and stared at him, not sure of what to say. I was rather homophobic, I had to admit, but I had to just straight agree with him. It was the exact same way I thought a lot of times.

"I don't know." I muttered.

**

* * *

**

Here's the next chapter. I apologize for them being so incredibly unbelievably short. I just felt like I wanted to post this right now and felt rather inspired so wrote this whole chapter today. I hope you people are starting to understand a little –in case you guys were a bit lost-. Thank you very much for those who have taken their time to read, review, alert and favorite. :) I appreciate it.

Love,

Soffieeh.

Any suggestions feel free to both PM or leave a review. Please leave constructive criticism (:.


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